Happy Halloween

518 HC

I remember going to this show, I was looking to find the message board from back home to read while at work and came across this I can’t believe it was almost 8 years ago. I remember going to shows like this one every weekend and having the best time of my life and being 16 or 17 years old still in high school. I remember being too scared to sing along because I thought I would look stupid, and then feeling weird when I would see pictures of myself singing along ... you never really look that attractive yelling. I remember being smashed and jumped on and usually propelled back to the floor by dudes 100x my size (I was probably 115 pounds when I was in high school). This is the stuff I miss so much but I really appreciate that it was how I grew up. Good times, good friend, great memories.

Now if only someone could find the tape of the last OKD show at valentines it would make my life to get a copy of it!
















One King Down, Wrath, Down Foundation
9/10/99 Valentines, Albany,NY

"It's hotter up here than two rats fucking in a wool sock"
-Rob Fusco, One King Down, quote of the evening

Everybody is working for the weekend

So I got the hot new cell. Not so hard although parting with the 80.00, 20.00 for the early renewal and the 49.00 cell that was a little difficult. And within 24 hours I pretty much have all my old number minus a few important ones that I will get soon enough.

Last night went to Burlington coat factory with David after going to Verizon. No luck in finding a winter coat for him. Went home and did some online reconnaissance phone number work via AIM, email, and myspace. Ate some veggies that Kristen cooked up. Seriously she is an amazing cook. Her and Bri constantly amaze me with the vegan ideas that comes out of pots and pans. Met back up with David and had some tea and just talked, it was a good night.

To whoever found my cell. Where the fuck did you find it? Where the hell did I drop it in the 1 block area I was in after using it and going to bed? Ah well. I am sure when Eric moves and we start going through things it will appear. I guess all I can do is laugh at myself for losing a cell phone while walking a dog.

Going to some NFT book release in Brooklyn and then I am sure I will keep true to my usual Friday nights and pass out on the couch around 9 or 10 pm.

Have a good weekend!

Hello? Are you there?

I’ve lost my stupid cell phone in 9 years of having a cell phone I have never lost it. The most traumatic of experiences he went through was falling into the toilet from my back pocket a few years ago. I am going out of my mind. I had it at 11 last night when I went over to Eric’s to walk Murphy since he was getting home late. He called me while I was walking Murphy and I put it in my pocket. This morning…not in my pocket. Not in my bag, nowhere in Eric's appt! And when I call it its off. It wasn’t even close to running out of batteries last night. So either he was eaten by Murphy or someone is calling china from my phone right now. I just want him back!!!

home away from home

$2400 / 1br - Live Well & Live Affordably!

I waste most of my day when I am not doing work or answering emails looking for an apartment in Brooklyn, I can’t believe that the place I have lived in for 2 1/2 years has become so outrageously expensive, its like ultra gentrification. I am well educated and come from a middle class back ground (white,- ok you knew it, someone had to pull the race card), I have a decent job that (unfortunately only pays an associate salary, I t still pays though) I am not struggling to pay bills or loans or eat or anything (although I whole heartedly love having a boyfriend who goes to culinary school so that I can bring lunch to work and save that extra $5 a day). I seriously it is becoming a reality can’t even afford to live in my own neighborhood. Or for that matter most of Brooklyn. It seems that the only apartments that have a decent rent attached are in beautiful bed sty or in bay ridge. (Although Williamsburg and bushwick seem to pop up more and more in the month that I have been perusing craigslist). It’s kind of insane. I start to wonder if the city is just going to become inhabited only with money (no culture no nothing just a ton of vapid people with big fat pay checks), all the apartments that are being built that I see even in Manhattan and in Brooklyn have to cost more money than anyone In their right mind should have (I mean seriously I have come across 4 bedroom apt for 8 grand in Brooklyn, 8 grand!!!! Thanks about what I make in a year! -Not really but who has this kind of money).

I don’t know who can afford to live here anymore. You could make the argument of rent stabilization but I don’t know anyone who has the pleasure of actually having an apartment worth what they pay. For example; We live a 10 minute walk from the subway in a decent apartment, minus the “exposed brick walls” crumbling all over the place as a result of the vibrations cause from the new apts and condos being build or refurbished on either side and across the street of our rickety little guy. The floor also adds a sweet little surprise by giving you nice little soft spots in the wood in certain places that you walk, it certainly do not give you the feeling of walking across the room and putting your foot through the floor (well actually it does) the sink last night sounded like it wanted to blow up (I am attributing this to the construction next door) and none of the windows really close or fit in their moldings (I really thought I had outlived the plastic on the window after graduating from college, on and on that subject I am glad I haven’t gained any weight since I was in college because I wouldn’t fit in my bathroom- I’ll give you a visual it’s a 3’x3’ shower with a 3’x3’ room with a toilet and mini sink attached to it…totally luxury I am sure). All this to live in my neighborhood that is doing its best to kick you out and jack up the price so that muffy and charles (or enter any other name that sounds like that have more money than god) can move on in and slum it in Brooklyn. So sad because in the two and a half years I have been here Brooklyn is my home and I love where I live (I even love the chicken slaughter house across the street…sometimes).

So I am going to continue to pay too much to walk to far to mash myself on a daily basis into complete strangers to get to my job to work my ass off to get paid just enough to try to make the exorbitant rent that I pay just to live with in 8 million miles of Manhattan so that I can get to work each morning, all waiting to get kicked out of my little home so they can renovate (and by that I am pretty sure they just mean repaint) my apartment and charge some idiot with money 3x’s what I am paying while I run from being shot in bed sty.

And seriously with all of that said and frustrations being had I still have no idea where else I would want to live besides Brooklyn and NYC.

This is what i get emailed from my boyfriend while i am at work

i just had to scrap a sticker off our window in the foyer. it was a homemade add for a flyering business with a full adhesive backing to it. i was laughing histarically at the irony. so i did the crazy person thing and called the add. i didn't know what i was gonna say. i left a message saying that his flyering business would be better serviced if his adds didn't have a full adhesive baking to them and weren't plastered on people's windows.

next step i start leaving people notes on their cars when they park like fools. and after that i move to the suburbs and join the PTA to complain about the public school system insesintly.

oh its the end of ramadan. just thought you would like to know.

i am not bipolar i am just premenstral.

thank you so much for my spoon and my cocktail shaker.

( i can't say how much i love this stuff)

10.23.06

So I had this thought today while looking up the information on seeing a friends screening next month. How do you apologize for who you were 6 years ago to someone that you think might not even accept the apology? I have had this huge influx of trying to clean out the cob webs of things that were left too long and see if I can do right with people that I may have made short sighted judgmental mistakes with before. I would hope it could be attributed to needing to grow up, which I very much did at the time. But I cant understand why it still bothers me when it was so long ago and there are specific people in my life that I would like to reach out to and just have this fear I suppose of rejection over again. They were good people that a mistake that I whole heartedly admit to being my fault caused, I just would like to right wrongs and if only the process of doing so were a little easier. I just want to say sorry and they know I am and be friend again, that how it worked when you were way younger why cant it be applied to being grown up and those relationships. Ah well, more thought on it I am sure.

With that I had a good weekend. I did what I have been doing a lot when it came to Friday, falling asleep on the couch. I met up with Eric after work and we went to Cube 63 in the neighborhood and got some good sushi. I think I must have had about 6 avocados between the vegetable rolls and the avo salad that we shared. But it was all very very good. He watched Mr. Mom and I slept. I don’t know how I keep up with this lifestyle I have created.

I am pretty convinced that since Eric has been sick, both my roommates have been sick, my mom, and just about everyone I work with ahs been sick that I must be I the verge of contracting the plague and I really can’t figure out why I am not sick just yet. Saturday I thought I was starting to come down with something and I just took it easy. Had a good breakfast with cate at this French place on smith and then she went to the city. I met up with Eric with intentions to go to the Met to see the Picasso exhibit, while waiting for the bus we both decided to go another time. Then we had big plans to go see The Prestige but after we got involved in making home made pizza there was not enough time to deal with the trains running on different lines just to get to Union to watch it. So we decided to watch the marathon of flavor of love, I think I really must have killed any thinking ability that I could have had by a good 150% by watching all of that crap for a few hours. Then walked the dogs and met Steve to go to Christine’s Birthday party on the lower east side. Stayed there a bit, Sara and cate came by with dan and tori and some of cate’s friends from college. I headed out early to be awake enough on Sunday to drive to Woodbury commons

Early Sunday morning dragged cate out of bed picked up Sara and my boss Alex and spent the day at Woodbury commons. I had been saving for a while to be able to get some sweaters for the winter. I have to admit I did good, lots of good deals and lots of walking. It was also entertaining to see how money does not buy class. Came home to dinner that Eric had made for me and then basically went right to bed.

Tonight I am going out to Long Island to see the family that allowed me to stay in their home when I first moved here. Upon graduating college I was leaving for Italy for a few days. I had applied for an internship in the city since I didn’t know really what I was going to do or where I was going to go. Two days before I left for Italy I got a call and had an over the phone interview, that conversation ended with getting the internship with SPIN magazine. This left me one big problem; where was I going to live and what was I going to do since I started the internship 2 days after I returned for Italy. My mom’s friends were selling their home and had moved into another place, while the paper work was going through they didn’t want their home to be sitting empty. So in comes me with air mattress, plate, fork, spoon, and TV on the floor accompanied by a lamp. It was a very glamorous squatting stint. They were always really sweet and inviting me out to dinner with them, I haven’t seen them in 2 1/2 year, bad bad bad! So I am going to brave the LIE tonight after work and go out to LI. I am very excited for it.

tuesday

I had a good weekend for the most part. Got a lot of errands that I have been meaning to catch up done. It’s weird to me that I actually have to travel to upstate out of the city to get things actually done. Spent some good time with my mom.

Been really tired today. Just probably the same old affecting me. My dad told my mom last night that he is no longer living at the house I grew up in. he moved in with his girlfriend lady whatever the hell she is. I am getting less and less patient with her and their relationship on the terms that she is over stepping her bounds and both of them are trying to propel her and their relationship into the family. It’s just not the right time. Still haven’t found the backbone to call my dad.

Last Night, I went and shot an event for work up on the ritzy side of park. There was a cooking award given to this woman from Madrid and the girl who was supposed to photograph it forgot and called in sick. So they asked me and since I didn’t have anything really going on and no good reason to say no and leave them in a lurch I did it. I have never really done event things before, all through school I predominately did table top work. So this was not super easy, It didn’t come out that badly though. I went through and did some editing and light post process work on them this morning and gave them to the editors. So we’ll see if they like it.

I am pretty sure I spent most of the night photographing all of the old money in nyc. You know how you can just look at an older socialite woman and the way her face is and the way she is put together and you just know she has always grown up with money, Every woman in the room look like this. It was cool though it was at this Queen Sofia Spanish place, which I think must be in close location to the Spanish embassy (I am assuming because the area I was in was mostly where the other ones were). Very upper class, except for the weird waiter dude who kept making eyes at me and trying to give me every finger food that had meat in it that I couldn’t eat.

Ran in to Todd on the subway and caught up a little bit, i dont think i will ever get over is just randomly runing in to people on the subway. There are so many of my friends here mostly from college that it happens alot. It's alwasy nice though to see a familiar face. I also talked to Brittany in DC for a bit, sounds like thing a re going well for her. Told her I am definitely trying to come down to see here and meet John but I just have to see how things go money wise. I haven’t been to Washington DC since I was like seriously 7 or 8 years old. A LONG time ago

That’s about it. Pretty boring. But I feel like I am kind of enjoying it like that. Might go see the evil dead musical with Geoff tomorrow, and dinner tonight with Sara

http://www.mitchclem.com/nothingnice/index.php

Express am F train

I had a very strange dream last night, it brought up someone that I haven’t seen or heard from in a while. I was asking them if I could maintain a relationship with them and they kept looking to other people for answers and it was always no. Strange subconscious.

I woke up this morning thinking I had beat my alarm clock and it was so early and I had so long to get ready and eat some peanut butter toast and relax, little did I know I had not reset my alarm after I had changed it over the weekend and I actually was late in getting up. I think I have no become an expert in pulling myself together in 15 minutes, I think I should work on the growing up and out of this though since I find myself on the train next to girls that are so well put together and look really smart while I am pieced together in what ever is clean and kind of goes matched with jeans and flip flops. I know I work in an art department and that’s not bad to show up in but I think now that I am almost 25 I should step it up in the office dress attire.

Nothing much happened last night. The rain was not fun to walk home in and it is getting that cold snap to the rain so in jeans and flip-flops it was not a good time. Spent the rest of the night in slippers and watching bad TV

This morning on the train I was listening to Suicide file and started to thin about the massive amount of time that has passed since I have been to a show. Maybe that is why I have felt off kilter lately, because I am not surrounded by going to shows and being in an atmosphere I enjoy and is kind of my thing and has been since I was 14 years old. Sometimes New York is just so huge and the hard part about a lot of things is you don’t find out about them until after the fact. And since my current social group is not really comprised of anyone who goes to shows or is into music (those that are that I hang out with always forget to pass the information on in time) I just feel like I need to get back into something. Money is a small problem. But I do miss that atmosphere. I am sure there are still like 1 or 2 bands around that I would be into seeing, the change in going to hard core shows happened to me when most of the new bands picked up a new style (nothing wrong with that) which just didn’t appeal to me, so I just kind of dropped off. Maybe with sawyer coming I can make a better effort. Just something I was thinking about this morning while on the train running express to work while I was already late and listening to something that I haven’t even thought about in way too long.

2 months.

I thought it had only been a couple of weeks since I had sat down and updated this, then I looked at it today and realize that it has almost been two months. Not a good job on my part, many apologies to the millions out there bummed on the lack of reading material about the boring going-ons.

There has been a lot going on I think. I have felt kind of socially introverted for the main reason that I am just trying to maintain with the family situation that I am going through. It’s hard to try to be the adult to you parents and police their behavior and their actions towards each other and towards my brother and me. Sunday morning my dad showed up on my doorstep with the “other lady” my parents are not even legally separated. I was backed into a corner and basically sucker punched in to going on a breakfast that had been set up to tell my dad he was not welcome at thanksgiving anymore on my moms side. This solidified the idea that he is not welcome at thanks giving I suppose. I just wish my dad had been more honest with me. It’s been a few days now and I still have not talked to him about what had happened. I am sure at this point he thinks he was clever in his surprise, it just was not the right time or in anyway the right way to do it. I think I haven’t approached it right now because some small part of me still wants to think it didn’t happen and it didn’t go down in as a shady manner that it did. But it happened and I was there and I just have to come to the terms and say something

I have been doing my best to clean out cobwebs and approach situations that have long since passed. I think I was trying to be polite and not cause waves by not confronting a lot of behavior that has been happening, and in the process I was not finding myself in a polite way I was finding myself a sucker that was kind of being taken for granted. On Saturday I was talking with Eric’s brother and he had mentioned to me that at a party the weekend before someone whom I have a very undefined and uncomfortable repertoire with was basically telling him (to that person Eric’s brother was essentially a stranger to them) how much I disliked them. That just isn’t right. First of all it’s not my intention to dislike them so they are kind of spreading a miscommunication. I have been trying to maintain a cordial relationship while being pushed out of a group of friends. To be honest its heart breaking and I am trying my best to clear up the matter so that this cannot be another stress added to the pile. It would just be honorable of the second party to return a phone call.

I have tried my best to keep this, as far from a place to just spew complaints, so maybe that is why I haven’t been around for so long. In all honesty who wants to sit and read about other people’s petty miseries. So I apologize if it reads that way, I do my best to keep it light but you have a period of time where you get bogged down, but if you look at the past few weeks and where I am in general things aren’t that bad. I have my own life going on in this city and on a day-to-day basis I might feel heavier with some situations but I do have some really great friends in the city and a few phone calls away.

Other things: been hanging out with bob a ton and Sonya and the queens crew. There are awesome and I am really glad to have them around right now, as well at Courtney and Mike Lavo. Missing Matty a lot and hoping the sawyer will get here soon. I miss just hanging around a lot with people you just feel comfortable and not judged by. I have been spending a lot of time with the new roommate Kristen, she is awesome. I worry that the city and the kids that she is student teaching and wearing too much on her. I hope not. I am looking forward to her hanging around on the weekends. Bob and I are planning to have a joint birthday party before I go to South Africa in December. I am a little nervous because they days are a few more that I had originally told work since I had gotten the travel plans mixed up a little bit. I hope I still have a job to come back to.

So again I will try to do a better job so that I don’t have to come back two months later with cryptic emails generalizing the shit I have focused on (see not that’s been going just what I have chosen to make a focus, bad decision!) I have a lot to look forward to. I will keep this updated as well as I can from now on. I can just take the time I would be eBay shopping and do this instead, since I have no money (hmm wonder how that happened).

End with a good note:
Sawyer is coming back
So So So amped to go to alt for a weekend in January
Making plans for dc to see Brittany
Going home this weekend with Eric to cook for my mom and just escape to upstate and apple picking